Wow it's been so long since I'd been on here it's amazing just how time flies. The last time I had been on here it was around Febuary of last year and I was raving to you how busy I was at the thrift shop and how much volunteering has changed my life. Yes I still greatly enjoy volunteering at the thrift shop but as many of my facebook friends know I am working on transformation process as far as setting weight loss goals and self esteem goals for myself to overcome. Many of you know the goals I set for myself but just in case you forgot here they are again. 1. Look in the mirror and say
something positive about myself
every day.
2. Get down to 120-125.
3. On my birthday, no matter
how much I weigh, I have to
look in a mirror and tell myself
"I'm beautiful".
I know you might be thinking to yourself, these goals are going to be easy but I assure you they aren't as easy as you might think or at least to me. Sometimes I have the hardest time doing the first one because I hate to look at myself in the mirror but I have managed to do it. Goal number three petrifies me to the fact I have anxiety just thinking about it. I remember the last time I told myself I was beautiful. I think it was in second grade when I was wearing my flower girl's dress or pink Easter dress and I was twirling around for my dad singing, " I am so beautiful, yes I am." He burst out laughing and sang along saying something like "Yes you are." Jeez the confidence you have when you are a kid huh? but that faded as soon as I got older.
As many of you know I had a boy come right out and tell me "I wasn't beautiful in eighth grade, when I confronted him he said no one in the whole wide world thinks you're beautiful." It hurt me for awhile. when I finally started to recover James and Nate were on the dating scene. As you all know Hailee and Carson are beautiful inside and out but I thought I was the ugly fat black sheep in the family and I didn't feel as pretty as them. So after many months of hiding behind a pretty smile and after an emotional day where i feel like I cracked and said to mom enough is enough, I've got to change my fat stomach."
Of course mom listened and was totally supportive, and asked James to get me started on a meal plan that is healthier and would help me lose the weight slowly. He basically said I was doing well on working out but I had to change my eating habits and yes it has worked. I feel like I have a lot more energy to work out than i ever did eating junk food. :) My starting weight was 148. i am now 140. not bad huh? yes it was 138 but due to a wedding and such I put on a couple extra but i am planning to lose those again. Well I am going to go, I am spending time with dad but I will write soon describing what I eat and such. bye. lots of love.
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